


i loved and i loved (and i lost you)

by krewella



Category: Sugar Pine 7 RPF
Genre: Episode: New job. Coda, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love, just how i was feeling after the latest episode of sp7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13085076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krewella/pseuds/krewella
Summary: Seeing Cib mature before Steve's eyes has hurt. It’s fucked him up in the worst way, because Cib almost doesn’t need him anymore. He doesn’t need Steve to catch him when he falls - Cib doesn’t fall much anymore.





	i loved and i loved (and i lost you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> I wrote this immediately after watching the latest episode of Sugar Pine 7 (New Job. 12/19/17) and it's set in and after the episode itself. I wanted to play around with how Steve might feel after what Cib said and how Autumn is more perceptive than Steve cares to believe. 
> 
> The song title is from Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie which best sums up how Steve is feeling. I also drew inspiration from Better Place by Rachel Platten and it's how Steve feels about Cib if you want to imagine their relationship further. 
> 
> Right now, this is unrequited love & suffering, but I might be inclined to add a happy ending. I hope y'all love it. 
> 
> As always, you can find me at jamesrwilsonjr on Tumblr and @immortalparker on Twitter.

Steve thinks he knows Cib like the back of his hand. He’s known him for a couple years now - enough to consider him his closest friend. He also thinks he knows what’s best for Cib and he wants to say it isn’t what’s happening now.

Seeing Cib mature before his eyes has hurt. It’s fucked him up in the worst way, because Cib almost doesn’t need him anymore. He doesn’t need Steve to catch him when he falls - Cib doesn’t fall much anymore. 

Instead, Steve’s jealousy simmers as Cib spends more time with James. He won’t say a word. He can’t say a single word, because he knows deep down that James is better for Cib. 

He doesn’t know that Cib confides into James while he drowns his sorrows in fattening diner food and Autumn stares at him pitifully. He hates that Autumn is right; she shouldn’t be able to pick him apart like that. 

Hell, he was so distraught he tried to shove Parker back into the puzzle that was his life, knowing full well he no longer fit. Parker had moved on, long before Steve even realized it. He was a man now with a real job who couldn’t drop everything when Steve stopped by. 

He had interrupted Parker’s conference call for Chrissakes, and that was the final bitter pill he swallowed before he came to the realization that his friends were growing up around him and he couldn’t stop them. 

Steve was the de facto leader of their crew and he always had been. Yet it seemed that he was losing grasp of that very quickly and he was left treading more treacherous waters than he had anticipated. 

~~~

Autumn snaps her fingers twice in front of Steve’s face, bringing him back down to reality. He was lost in his thoughts so long the sundae in front of him had melted, rivulets of chocolate syrup running down the sides of the glass bowl. 

“So about Cib…” Autumn trails off meaningfully, fixing Steve with a look that made him swallow uncomfortably. 

“What about him?” Steven retorts irritably, annoyed he couldn’t go two seconds without thinking about his stupid best friend. 

“You know,” Autumn replies cryptically before delving into her own platter of greasy delight. 

Steve suddenly feels very small. He feels like a middle schooler left out of the party the whole seventh grade was invited to, but somehow no one thought to include him. 

He knows Cib likes James more now. Autumn doesn’t have to remind him. It was obvious Steve wasn’t included in the boys anymore, although he had convinced himself he just needed a break from them. 

Autumn lets out a loud burp and stands up, motioning for Steve to get out of there. He throws a wad of cash on the table, muttering to himself about Autumn’s complete lack of manners. At least he had this bit of normalcy. 

~~~

Cib is in a ridiculous purple suit when he decides to drag his sorry ass to the office despite claiming he’d call out of work today. 

“What the fuck are you wearing? Are you trying to look like an eggplant?” Steve laughs, trying to revive their usual banter. 

The joke falls flat as the atmosphere remains surprisingly somber. James huffs out a quiet noise that could be interpreted as a laugh and Cib leans back in his chair arms crossed. 

“No comments from the peanut gallery, huh?” Steve says more to himself as he crosses the room to his chair. 

The suffocating silence is broken only by the occasional educational video Cib plays aloud and the furious typing of James. 

Autumn had gone home, claiming she needed to let things work themselves out. Steve had wanted her there to be some sort of buffer between he and Cib, but she escaped before he could say a word. 

If only this day could end sooner. 

~~~

After James and Cib had left the office laughing at some inside joke they shared, Steve pushes his envy deeper down despite it choking him from within. He had editing to do, and he’d do it right. 

He pulls the footage that was recorded in the office while he and Autumn had been out, and he sets to work. 

He laughs to himself at the pimp jokes James made about Cib’s suit and Cib seemed to play along for a little while. Everything seems fine for the first couple of minutes, so Steve wonders why the office had been so quiet when he showed up. 

The next clip begins to play and Steve snaps his head up at the mention of his name. 

James had asked Cib why he had been acting so unlike himself and Steve was not prepared for his answer. 

“I just don’t want to be an idiot anymore. I don’t feel like I get any respect around here, especially from Steve,” Cib answered seriously. 

Guilt claws its way up Steve’s throat and he feels like he might be sick. Sure, Cib had decided against moving in with him, but Steve had really figured he had found a good deal on an apartment elsewhere. 

All of those comments he had made about Cib being an idiot were a joke. It was how he showed affection and instead he had pushed his best friend away. 

He had made him feel disrespected and Steve almost wants to cry. Cib would never know how much he meant to Steve. 

Cib made everything feel right in his world. His carefree personality lifted every burden Steven had despite the ribbing he gave Cib because of it. 

His heart clenches thinking about how Cib must have flocked towards someone who actually respected him enough to ask what was wrong. Steve couldn’t even do that. 

He starts crying then. Here he is, a grown man, sniffling like a fucking loser in the dark by himself. He replays the clip of Cib saying “especially from Steve” over and over until his hand hurts from clicking play. 

After all of this, he wishes Cib were here to reassure him through this apparent mental breakdown he was having. 

He needs Cib. 

He loves Cib.

He’s _in love_ with Cib. 

He startles himself with his own thought. It’s like all the pieces are falling into place. He’s like a little boy on the playground, trying to win the affection of his crush by teasing them mercilessly. 

Except they’re all grown up and grown-ups don’t convey their feelings that way. God, he was such a fucking idiot this whole time. 

It’s early morning now and he itches to grab his phone and confess all of this to Cib over the phone. He makes a motion to get it and it signals low battery before powering down completely. 

Guess karma didn’t want Steve to say anything after all. 

~~~

He apparently fell asleep in the office, because he wakes to the door slamming open and his crew files in noisily to start the new day. 

It’s like yesterday never happened as Cib is full of jokes and James is arguing with Alfredo over something else he did. Autumn is sequestered in her corner, headphones pulled tightly over her ears. She’d be lost to the world for the rest of the day. 

Steve pulls her aside anyway, ignoring the confused glances from Cib and James. 

“I fucked up,” Steve tells her breathlessly. 

“Tell me something I don’t know. Can I go back to work now?” Autumn quips, pulling away from Steve’s grasp. 

“No, you don’t understand. Cib? I love him.” Steve barrels on. 

“Yeah, he’s your best friend,” Autumn snorts. 

“Autumn, I’m _in love_ with him,” Steve looks about ready to break, voice softer now as he glances longingly towards the other room. 

Autumn’s eyes widen before her face settles into something that says she knew all along. 

“Steve, I’m not stupid,” Autumn informs him before finally returning to her workspace. 

Steve is left, mouth wide open at her retreating back. He scrambles to school his features, but he stands there for a couple more moments. He needs them. 

~~~

“Steve, you alright?” James asks as Steve makes his way back into the main room. 

“Just critiquing Autumn’s work is all,” Steve forces a smile like everything is perfect and fine and not crumbling down around him. 

“Cool,” James nods before turning back to where he’s pressed thigh to thigh with Cib, looking at something on his phone. They’re laughing and smiling at each other and Steve thinks he sees Cib look at James the way Autumn must have seen Steve look at Cib. 

_Must be nice._


End file.
